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 Post subject: So I just got back from New York, right?Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:56 pm 
Right. That's all you need to know for this to make sense. Also, over the following days, I will be posting one thread for each day that I was there(because I have separate word documents for each day, so...y'know...it's just easier). After that, I will finish with a nice glass of Deluxe Edition Sorry-About-The-Wait Eisley Forum Tabloid. And then I may or may not disappear again. I'm not gonna be silly like the other four times and say, "I'm LEAVING!! For a few months! BECAUSE OF THIS!!! GRAWR!!" I didn't plan to leave or anything...I just haven't had a huge attachment with the internet of late. But I do miss the niceties of yore in the fore-um of Eisley-ee-yore. ....Spore! Okay, so, anyways, um, I just wanted to slap this up to the forum and give y'all a forum tabloid 'cause I've been a turd about it earlier, and then maybe say a formal bye for a bit...instead of just disappearing or anything, that felt sort of rude and I'm sorry. Okay, anyways, here 'tis. My Arrival Marks The Beginning Of Fun Because, you see, I am all-powerful and very, very pretty. That is why New York City’s entire mood swung from hum-drum-I-am-a-bum all the way to Teddy’s-here-we-must-cheer upon my arrival. It marked the beginning of fun. Really. Okay, yes. Anyways, I was warmly greeted at my hotel by an oddly non-Asian man. I say this because the last time I was at this hotel non-Asian men were not employed there. After checking in and settling down, I learned a thing or two, for up until then I didn’t have an idea of what the modern transportation system was coming to. I counted twenty taxis going by themselves almost every time I took a walk. And then I put my ear to a knocked-up chick’s stomach, and a strange child started into talk. What next? Next came the subway. Honestly, it did not baffle or awe me because I’ve been here before. It made me feel that Dallas, TX is horrid especially because it has no public transportation system, not to mention that the entire city of Dallas reminds me of a pale beige colour and I do not know why, but it is depressing. So the subways of New York obviously lifted my spirits a bitlet. (Yes, a bitlet, because I hadn’t yet gotten used to the subways so they only mildly comforted me at first. Later in this saga, you will come to see that the subways are my dear friends and I thank them greatly for their good timing.) I was hungry, so I decided to use what I had assumed were my mad subway-navigating skills, and mapped out a way to make it to a restaurant I wanted to try. Here is how I mapped it. Walk 2 blocks to the Penn Station entrance on 33rd and take the A, C or E train uptown. Transfer to the cross-town 7 train and take it Eastward a little bit. Then go to this other line and take this train to this stop on 28th and walk to 25th and some avenue where I would find Kelley And Ping, the restaurant at which I wanted to eat. I messed up. I did everything right until I made the fatal—yes, fatal…I killed 94 squirrels and a little ducky in the process—mistake of not realizing that not every subway train goes to every stop. Instead of winding up on 28th, I ended up in Union Square. Confused. And hot. Like…uncomfortable-weather-hot, from being in the subways for a long time. It’s hot down there! Grawrgle. I hadn’t brought my subway map with me so I didn’t feel like trying to get back to the stop at which I was supposed to be. My dear Aunt, confused and blah because I never taught her how to use the subway herself so she had to trust that I knew where I was going all the time, and I went outside to Union Square where we sat and stared at someone while they slept. And then I saw it. It was beautiful; a majestic sight, a comforting slice of home that made my intestines feel warm and slimy(because I would rather not have fur being digested) after having gotten lost on the subway and not knowing how to get back to the hotel. I excitedly yelled it out. “A WHOLE FOODS!!” Oh, yes, it was grand. I had a tofu wrap after telling myself I wasn’t going to eat healthy while I was on holiday here. I bought hummus and crackers and dark chocolate with espresso beans and banoonoos and happiness and it made my tummy pleased. And then I decided that I did not feel at all like trying to figure out the subway without a map, and also I messed up my Metro Card and it wouldn’t let me into the subway station and this lady tried to get me some help to get into the subway station but I got scared because she had an accent not unlike Nicole Kidman’s in ‘The Interpreter’. So I figured that this woman was faking her accent, too, and I screamed in the subway station for help. I screamed, “Sean Penn, HELP ME!” And, conveniently, he had actually been hiding behind a tree sulking at everyone nearby. He leapt out from behind the tree and rushed towards me to rescue me from the lady with the put-upon accent, but when he got closer to me, he realized that I was taller than him, and he did not like this. So he scowled and walked back to the tree. Meanwhile, the lady had whipped out a “nine”, as guns are apparently called these days (Is this true? I’ve heard them being called “nine”’s and I got confused), and she aimed it at me, taking me hostage. But no one helped me get out of this tight spot, because no one cares in New York City. I would fix this later on in my holiday, but at the moment, I had to save my ass like Batman without his tools tied to a chair in Hannibal Lecter’s apartment. I wasn’t quite sure what to do in this fickle pickle I was in, but then it came to me. I flung my Metro Card with precision and skill at the lady, and it acted as a boomerang so that she would not see it flying at her and she would have no time to take evasive action. She continued talking to me like evil people with fake accents do as they think they are about to kill the hero and then they end up dying and no one cares except for their padawan learner Igor. Meanwhile, my Metro Card was flying towards her from behind. “You know, Teddy, I’ve been waiting a long time to kill you. You’ve had it coming ever since you thwarted my illegal pigeon feces sterili- and fertilization and recycling facilities in the Himalayas.” “You can’t possibly think you’re going to get away with this, Plonky.” My Metro Card of Death nears her. “Oh, but I am. You super-heroes are always such self-righteous little cu—S---!!!” “FEEL the paper-cut burn, Plonky!” Plonky the Evil Fake Accentiser then showed her true colours, shape-shifting into her normal skin and revealing that she was actually Ben Stiller. “OW!! Jesus Christ! What the hell is your problem?!?!” Ben drops the gun, and it fires as it hits the ground, shooting me in the foot. “----!!! Damn you!” I shriek in pain, flopping over and landing on the ground, clutching my bloody foot. “Oh snap!” Ben snaps his fingers in Z-formation, standing over me with a smile on his face while blood stains his white shirt from the Metro Card paper cut. In great anger and a spiteful mood, I fling the harpoon that I keep in my sock at Ben, stabbing him in the calf. “MOTHER-----A-DOODLE-DOO, YOU B----!!” Ben falls to the ground. “I call your snap and raise you a ZING! Dumb ass. You should’ve seen it coming.” “You’re right, Teddy…I really should’ve and—SMACK!!!” Ben yells the smack sound effect as he whacks me across the face. “WHAT THE ---- WAS THAT, YOU ----HEAD?! Damn it! I really should’ve seen that coming and—BACK-SMACK!!!” I yell the smack sound effect as I slap him upside the head. Ben’s and my fight then dissolved into a girlish smack attack with occasional time-outs to tend to our bloody harpoon and bullet and paper cut wounds. We eventually made a deal that we would stop fighting and make peace and be friends if I bought him food from Whole Foods. And then I walked home and that was pretty much the first day of my holiday. P.S., I also talked about the sanitation system and threw a banana peel really far and it landed in the dumpster, which was nice. But, being a super-hero, of course I have great aim. _________________________________ If you have no idea who I am or what I'm talking about or have never seen me post or anything...then it's probably for the best that you skimmed that, as you have most likely now deemed me an odd duck who is not to be associated with for she might eat you in a random outburst of joy and ice cream. But if you've seen me here before, then...um...I guess you've been prepared. I don't really remember what I wrote now, actually. Okay, I'll shut up. Hi for a few days or more. Time to go read Boyd's journals WHOOoooOOOOO Hoo! _________________ If the end of the world has proper noodles I'll probably be okay with it. |
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Post subject: Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 6:04 pm
Hahahahahahahahaha.. eff Teddy. I missed you. _________________ 
« Last.FM ¤ Myspace ¤ Jacob Greene ¤ Art » |
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Joined: 10 Nov 2003 | Posts: 542 | Location: southern california
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:51 am
BACK SMASH! I keeel you! _________________ welcome to the no pants club boone |
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:04 am
Teddy...don't EVER change!!! |
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Joined: 04 Oct 2004 | Posts: 2264 | Location: Lost and Found
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:39 am
that was the best thing ever, or at least since the invention of the cotton gin. _________________ Saellys wrote: Thank God for Arielle  all your kind, they're coming clean they shut their eyes their mess, their scene |
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Joined: 02 Jul 2004 | Posts: 5273 | Location: i forget
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 5:22 am
Good to see you again, you crazy girl. Of course, I did have to remove the expletives - you know the rules. _________________ hello. |
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Joined: 23 Aug 2003 | Posts: 5978 | Location: Austin, Texas
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 5:54 am
welcome back teddy. ..i was wondering were you had run off to. _________________ "Religions have started on lesser revelations" - investor on MarketWatch.com |
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Joined: 01 Jul 2003 | Posts: 4403 | Location: Dallas
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 5:55 am
The world seems right again. _________________ My photography:www.jamiemphoto.com You can't spell awesome without emo...backwards! -Julie definingawesome (11:44:11 PM): Eisley shivers our timbers |
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Joined: 15 Aug 2003 | Posts: 25184 | Location: East Texas
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:13 am
I need mofo. _________________ "A little less love, a little more common decency." - Kurt Vonnegut |
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003 | Posts: 5266 | Location: Ipswich, Suffolk, England
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:05 pm
yay! you chose Kelley & Ping like i recommended on myspace... but didn't go. haha. there are subway maps all over the place, even on the trains themselves if you ever need a map. not sure if you knew that. and that Whole Foods is huge, isn't it... there's also one at Columbus Circle that's quite big too. i always transfer at union square from the 6 to the r/w. we probably crossed paths and didn't even know. guess our jedi senses didn't help us. it seems like only yesterday you said you were leaving for ny... that was fast. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:13 am
Crap...sorry about that, moddles - I forgot about that moment in MPAA ponderings 
I was typing this thread and thinking, "Man, I'm doing pretty good...I've only said 'ass'(Er...in the donkey..way...) once.." and then I copy and paste that without another thought. I'm doing pretty good in this post. I've only mentioned feces once. I fece'd earlier today! I had eaten too much rice and dolmas and I am not sure that it was worth it. The food wasn't mine, either. I just started eating it. The food's owner did not seem to mind, most likely because I am, in words only one Miss That-Chick-On-'Friends' can utter gracefully, so pretty. Um, mhmm. All right all right all right all right all right all right okay now ladies! That's the part where y'all say YEAHHHH?!!? And then I'm like, Okay, Don't make me break this down for nothin' y'all. Now I wanna see you folks on your baddest behaviour. What? Here we go now, squaredance, squ--squ--squaredance, squaredance like an isosceles triangle. Get dow-n on the floo-r. Don'-t know what I'm sayin'-g. 'Cuz nuthin' really matters, anyone can see. Nuttin' rilly m@tters. TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Blam! _________________ If the end of the world has proper noodles I'll probably be okay with it. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:11 am
wow. i never woulda thought i'd see a 'hey ya' + 'bohemian rhapsody' remix in print. _________________ hello. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:36 pm
So many words... so little time. _________________ "If you're a ninja, every day is like friday." -Jamie M. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 6:05 pm
*votes "you're so pretty"* Just for old times sake.  _________________ 
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Post subject: Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:57 am
Teddy, Teddy. Are you ready? Confetti! _________________ My photography:www.jamiemphoto.com You can't spell awesome without emo...backwards! -Julie definingawesome (11:44:11 PM): Eisley shivers our timbers |
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Joined: 15 Aug 2003 | Posts: 25184 | Location: East Texas
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Laughing City Forum Index -> General -> So I just got back from New York, right?
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