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 Post subject: Are your parents divorced?Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:33 pm 
I got to thinking tonight about a conversation I had with a friend this week. She mentioned that she had not decided who she would spend her Easter with this year: her mom and step dad, or her dad and step mom. That sparked a thought as I was driving today: I know so many people now who's biological parents are divorced. I seemed to feel that it didn't use to be like this when I was a kid (10-14). I know statistics say that divorce is more common now. I'd like to see how much. So I wanted to take a small survey, maybe even start up some conversation about this on here. My parents are not divorced, but I know so many who's are. Obviously there is a lot of hurt involved when this happens, but much good can come from it too, as many families gain new loved ones. (Which I feel is a blessing.) Some divorced families remain close and on good terms. What's your situation? When did it happen? How have you grown and dealt with the new situation in life? Of course, if this is too painful to discuss with strangers online, I understand. But I'm interested to know anyone's story who's got one to share. (Even if your parents are still together and you've witnessed other families that have gone through this.) My story: my parents have been together for 25 years, but everyone else has split. Divorces in my family: Grandparents (mother's parents), two sets of uncles+aunts, and two cousins. Disclaimer, sort of: Sorry that the ages are a little focused in one decade. I'm really interested in my peer group on this board, and a lot people in the LC are 18-35 anyways. _________________ My name is actually Sarah. Facebook. Twitter. |
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Joined: 05 Apr 2006 | Posts: 750 | Location: Dallas, TX
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Post subject: Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 7:30 pm
My parents are still together (27 years this December!), but divorce has been on my mind a lot recently, because I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who are divorced... and under 30 years old, to boot. It really bothers me. I'm not going to claim that it's a byproduct of getting married too young (which many of my friends did) and not yet really knowing who you are as a person, but I think that's a big factor. _________________ INTELLECT AND ROMANCE OVER BRUTE FORCE AND CYNICISM Smokemonster |
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Joined: 24 Sep 2003 | Posts: 14510 | Location: Alone on an airplane, fallin' asleep against the windowpane...
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Post subject: Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:07 pm
my parents are still together - 29 years in August - and I doubt very strongly that they would ever divorce, partly because divorce is completely incompatible with the Christian faith, but mostly because of the mutual love and respect they have for eachother. None of my extended family has been divorced. I do have plently of course-mates etc whose parents are divorced. I would say that most of them are of the opinion that it's much better than when they were together (partly 'cause one's mum moved to Spain, which gives a nice excuse for a nice holiday in the sun...). As with Hannah I'm not going to make any "this proves" point, but I will say that amongst everybody I know, those with a Christian faith seem to have a stronger foothold for their marriage, and so are less likely to get divorced. I'm not saying that being a Christian automatically means you won't get divorced - I know one Christian who did get divorced, and very painfully, too. But i'm saying that amongst all those people that I know, there is a correlation. The idea of getting married gave the thought of divorce, which is something I definately don't want to ever do, and so it made me scared of marraige. However, given my current situation the thought doesn't scare me as much as it used to, if at all. _________________ She is handsome, she is pretty, she is the girl from Belfast City, she is courtin' one two three, please won't you tell me who is she? TheClassicRomance wrote: Facebook is a dirty skank blog! |
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Joined: 03 Mar 2005 | Posts: 7598 | Location: Dundee, scotland
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Post subject: Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:10 pm
I was thinking of starting a thread on this subject since my parents split when I was 8, and it made an indelible impression on me and my view on relationships and love. One of the first changes that happened was that I was a lot more eager to talk to m friends parents about things than my friends (at from age 9 on up) about things on my mind. I was more apt to be happy for people I knew who were in healthy relationships, cousins, aunts, uncles etc, when before I was oblivious. I didn't understand a lot of what went on between my parents during the divorce hearings until I was an adult and had friendly conversations with my parents, but never before. Lots of pain, regret, and resignation between them for a long time. They remained civil when the dust settle but uncomfortable. I am the youngest of 3, the baby boy. The eldest was around 18 when it happened. Talking to her as I grew up shed light on on some of the problems. My parents were together 14 years before the split I believe. That sounds about right. They were married young by our standards (very early 20s) during the Vietnam era. When my mom started dating, I did not go out of my way to make friends with the children of whoever she was dating. When she settled down with my stepfather, his temperament made it a lot easier to befriend his children. My father remarried much later and I was away at school, and with one exception, her children were adults and spread out via the military or school etc. To date, I have only seen them on special occasions and remain a relative stranger to them. As far as my own personal perception of the experience and it's impact... well, being one of the many songwriters on here, I put pen to paper on day after hearing a song that can best be described as emotional bloodletting (Memphis by PJ Harvey) and reading the biography Dream Brother (I was in a very Buckley state of mind) I wrote this: Eight is Forever Was it pre cognoscente, subliminal, or obvious I lowered my head and one tear slowly fell to the place where I'd rested, respite from infection a hope stripped world turned personal hell A labor of love, a burden of proof a battle for things to replace broken lives homeless within, robbed of my youth I'd all but forgotten I'm shattered inside The tides and the tears, orphaned and frightened mourning a daydream or their future foregone with our kindred spirits and like minded sirens yearning for comfort like a child left alone To feel so dejected the product of failure the part that was broken, can it be replaced they didn't suite each other or seem to fit together so were they really fit to, make me so unfit Cut it down Hollowed out Burn it down Forever Broken down Run aground the echoes sound Forever Sometimes it seems life is a series of revolving cycles of uphill climbs, backward slides, and downward spirals I could be dead, but I'm not and I'm grateful Life could be bliss, but it's not, yet I'm hopeful. _________________ yup, that's my name. FOR YOUR RATING PLEASURE: 4 LIKE Buttons, 1 NEUTRAL, 1 VEXED, 5 DISLIKE buttons. LC > FB           
 = personal fave  = Eisley fans should dig it
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Joined: 09 Apr 2008 | Posts: 9641 | Location: Greater St. Louis Area
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Post subject: Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:49 pm
My parents have been together for something like 29 or 30 years, but sometimes I wish they'd get divorced, as awful as that sounds. _________________ my name's carrie and i love a good sandwich so if you have a sandwich, come roll with me! 
i'm gonna marry the mars volta. |
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Joined: 01 Nov 2003 | Posts: 8260 | Location: new hampshire
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:39 am
One thing I've noticed over the years, is that there doesn't seem to be a high correlation between having a large church wedding, with all the trimmings, and the longevity of the marriage. I've known people who have had such weddings and since divorced, and people who were married by a Justice of the Peace who are still together years later! I talked with a women once who was very badly treated by her husband, and when I asked her why she didn't leave him, she said that would complicate things for her children. That instead of having two parents, they would be likely to have two sets of parents, step brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins from two sides of the family etc. I had never thought about that before, but I can see her point! _________________ Mike=] |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:53 am
My father died when I was about 3 1/2. That doesn't really count, but I still have a different family. Granted, all parts of mine are on fairly good terms. _________________ My photography:www.jamiemphoto.com You can't spell awesome without emo...backwards! -Julie definingawesome (11:44:11 PM): Eisley shivers our timbers |
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Joined: 15 Aug 2003 | Posts: 25184 | Location: East Texas
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:41 am
mad_sam_purple'ead wrote: As with Hannah I'm not going to make any "this proves" point, but I will say that amongst everybody I know, those with a Christian faith seem to have a stronger foothold for their marriage, and so are less likely to get divorced. I'm not saying that being a Christian automatically means you won't get divorced - I know one Christian who did get divorced, and very painfully, too. But i'm saying that amongst all those people that I know, there is a correlation. I've seen the opposite trend. My friends that got married at age 19 or 20 are all Christians; one couple is now divorced and the other marriage is a wreck. I really think it's less a matter of a spiritual foothold and more a matter of emotional maturity. But I also believe the institution of marriage will be obsolete during my lifetime.
mikep0922 wrote: One thing I've noticed over the years, is that there doesn't seem to be a high correlation between having a large church wedding, with all the trimmings, and the longevity of the marriage. I've known people who have had such weddings and since divorced, and people who were married by a Justice of the Peace who are still together years later! So true, and I'm hoping it's an inverse relationship. My husband and I got married at the county clerk of court's office. We spent nothing on a ceremony or decorations, and it was awesome. Most importantly, we didn't start our life together in debt. mikep0922 wrote: I talked with a women once who was very badly treated by her husband, and when I asked her why she didn't leave him, she said that would complicate things for her children. That instead of having two parents, they would be likely to have two sets of parents, step brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins from two sides of the family etc. I had never thought about that before, but I can see her point! I can see her point, but that is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship. _________________ INTELLECT AND ROMANCE OVER BRUTE FORCE AND CYNICISM Smokemonster |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:59 am
My parents aren't officially divorced, but they should be. They've been married for 22 years, but half of that time has been anything but a 'marriage'. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 6:47 am
Both of my parents' parents (both of my grandmothers and my maternal grandfather) have had divorces, but my parents have been married for 28 years, 29 in May. I did hear that that 50% statistic is (vocabulary mishap). http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/divorce.htm As for the abusive relationship thing, it's really easy to sit back and say 'get out!' But the question is, 'go where?' In some people's minds taking a beating every now and again is a price to pay for stability. I'm not telling abused people to stay, but I like to keep things in perspective. _________________ Power is only pain It’s probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in. "Can we get control of an individual to the point where he will do our bidding against his will and even against fundamental laws of nature, such as self preservation?" -memo from 1952 Project ARTICHOKE 
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Joined: 19 Aug 2004 | Posts: 10565 | Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 8:05 am
Pantheon4 wrote: In some people's minds taking a beating every now and again is a price to pay for stability. And that's a terribly unhealthy mindset, completely disconnected from reality. There is nothing that justifies staying in an abusive relationship (verbally, emotionally, physically, what have you). When your fear of the unknown is so great that you'll stick around in a situation that brings you nothing but pain, you've been warped. _________________ INTELLECT AND ROMANCE OVER BRUTE FORCE AND CYNICISM Smokemonster |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 8:10 am
My parents have been married for 25 years or so and they're still happy. I've talked to my dad a lot about it because I'm recently engaged and he said that he attributes a lot of that to a conscious decision he made that he would always put his wife and family first before anything else. I think that is really the trick. A lot of people have a selfish view of marriage, and jump ship at the first sign of trouble. Obviously that's not the case every time, but it is a growing trend. I don't personally believe in "falling out of love" as a justifiable reason for divorce, especially when there are children involved. A relationship takes hard work. I know there are probably going to be times where my wife will hate me and I'll hate her but forgiveness and change and sacrifice are really the keys to a marriage. From what I've noticed. There are legitimate reasons for a divorce, but it is not a cure-all. _________________ patrock wrote: Grandma: What are you thankful for?
Me: My fake husband. |
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Joined: 28 Apr 2005 | Posts: 3505 | Location: In your dreams
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:05 am
My parents are still together and have been for about 15 years. My mom has said that she wants a divorce only because of her problems with depression and the fact that she thinks we (my family and I) would be better of without her. I'm alot like her though so besides the fact that I love her to death, she can help me with my problems. Like when i was a baby and she took me with her when she wanted to talk to a priest; I don't know how the priest knew it, but he told her that she would have to stick around to help me with my problems when i grew up because I would be exactly like her. I still love her though, and my dad too. _________________ Kneel before your god Babylon! "I don't wanna touch you and feel so helpless; I don't wanna smell you and lose my senses" Rufus Wainwright, Foolish Love |
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Joined: 28 Dec 2007 | Posts: 807 | Location: Wouldn't you like to know?
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:22 am
mad_sam_purple'ead wrote: my parents are still together - 29 years in August - and I doubt very strongly that they would ever divorce, partly because divorce is completely incompatible with the Christian faith, but mostly because of the mutual love and respect they have for eachother.
None of my extended family has been divorced. I do have plently of course-mates etc whose parents are divorced. I would say that most of them are of the opinion that it's much better than when they were together (partly 'cause one's mum moved to Spain, which gives a nice excuse for a nice holiday in the sun...). As with Hannah I'm not going to make any "this proves" point, but I will say that amongst everybody I know, those with a Christian faith seem to have a stronger foothold for their marriage, and so are less likely to get divorced. I'm not saying that being a Christian automatically means you won't get divorced - I know one Christian who did get divorced, and very painfully, too. But i'm saying that amongst all those people that I know, there is a correlation. The idea of getting married gave the thought of divorce, which is something I definately don't want to ever do, and so it made me scared of marraige. However, given my current situation the thought doesn't scare me as much as it used to, if at all. _________________ Kulvir. |
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Joined: 10 Mar 2005 | Posts: 1844 | Location: Vancouver, BC
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:44 am
My parents have been married for about 20 years now and are still going strong. As to trends: they didn't marry young (Mom was 30) but they married soon (6 months after meeting). They are not at all religious. They were not married in a church, had very few guests (being that family and friends were half the planet away) and spent next to nothing on the wedding. |
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