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 Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:50 am 
My parents have been married for 25 years I think? or 24. I wouldn't say they're unhappy or happy together, but content. They don't fight or anything, but I'm pretty sure they aren't 'in love' or were ever 'in love'. I think their marriage was based off of need, certain circumstances, etc. etc. I highly doubt they will ever get a divorce though since my dad has even told me he wouldn't want to because of pride, and I'm pretty sure my mother wouldn't because she does need him in a sense that she can't function without him fiscally, etc. That sounds bad, but they're on good terms, just not really romantically speaking. I should also add that my mom is Korean, and only came to America after marrying my dad, and so arranged marriages were common in her time, and I think she got married to better her circumstances, and since the concept of marriage for benefits and not love was not foreign to her. I used to wish they'd divorce. Sometimes I still do. _________________ I used to be Snow White but I drifted -Mae West |
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Joined: 22 Feb 2008 | Posts: 666 | Location: Maryland
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:55 am
Nightmare wrote: I don't personally believe in "falling out of love" as a justifiable reason for divorce, especially when there are children involved. A relationship takes hard work. I know there are probably going to be times where my wife will hate me and I'll hate her but forgiveness and change and sacrifice are really the keys to a marriage. From what I've noticed. There are legitimate reasons for a divorce, but it is not a cure-all. I like this. My dad has always told me that one's reason to get married should not be based on love. He has said that marriage is like a business agreement, a merger if you will, between two people who want to start the business of life together. He's under the opinion that one of the responsibilities include having children and creating a stable home for them to be raised in. He also has told me that the initial feeling or spark of "love" might die over time. It takes a conscious decision between both parties that they will not easily walk away when troubles arise. This isn't to say that the love is gone forever. Rather, when that first love dies I think a second one grows: one that's deeper and more akin to how one loves anyone else in your family. The two are one, of the same body and blood. I suppose to love your spouse would probably be to love yourself as well. (Only speculations because I'm not married.) _________________ My name is actually Sarah. Facebook. Twitter. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 10:31 am
sukieinthe_g wrote: Nightmare wrote: I don't personally believe in "falling out of love" as a justifiable reason for divorce, especially when there are children involved. A relationship takes hard work. I know there are probably going to be times where my wife will hate me and I'll hate her but forgiveness and change and sacrifice are really the keys to a marriage. From what I've noticed. There are legitimate reasons for a divorce, but it is not a cure-all. I like this. My dad has always told me that one's reason to get married should not be based on love. He has said that marriage is like a business agreement, a merger if you will, between two people who want to start the business of life together. He's under the opinion that one of the responsibilities include having children and creating a stable home for them to be raised in. He also has told me that the initial feeling or spark of "love" might die over time. It takes a conscious decision between both parties that they will not easily walk away when troubles arise. This isn't to say that the love is gone forever. Rather, when that first love dies I think a second one grows: one that's deeper and more akin to how one loves anyone else in your family. The two are one, of the same body and blood. I suppose to love your spouse would probably be to love yourself as well. (Only speculations because I'm not married.) I would tend to agree. And I'm not married either  . But seriously, that definately makes sense.  _________________ She is handsome, she is pretty, she is the girl from Belfast City, she is courtin' one two three, please won't you tell me who is she? TheClassicRomance wrote: Facebook is a dirty skank blog! |
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Joined: 03 Mar 2005 | Posts: 7598 | Location: Dundee, scotland
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:39 pm
Saellys wrote: Pantheon4 wrote: In some people's minds taking a beating every now and again is a price to pay for stability. And that's a terribly unhealthy mindset, completely disconnected from reality. There is nothing that justifies staying in an abusive relationship (verbally, emotionally, physically, what have you). When your fear of the unknown is so great that you'll stick around in a situation that brings you nothing but pain, you've been warped. I was physically abused as a kid. To my knowledge, my dad never beat my mother or sisters. I usually got the worst of it. (Punched in the face. Beat until I bled. Objects thrown at me. Et cetera.) My dad didn't drink or anything so don't even put that in the equation-- he just had a very bad temper. So I can understand the mindset. Reality and consequences of what was happening grew very apparent as I got older; I didn't want to split up my family and end up in a foster home or send my dad to jail. It's so weird thing about it, because most of it happened when I was about 6 to around 11. And I thought it was normal until I was around 10 (considering my position as the oldest boy in the family.) It took me awhile to realize what happened to me growing up because my mom would always try to spin the situation by saying that worse things could happen. Now, even knowing what did happen to me, it's funny because me and my dad get on pretty well. We mostly talk music and sports. (And he can still beat me up and he's 52 and I'm 22. ) Don't get it twisted, I'm not one of those whinny people who blame their parents for $#@! up their life. If anything it made me tougher and stronger. _________________ Power is only pain It’s probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in. "Can we get control of an individual to the point where he will do our bidding against his will and even against fundamental laws of nature, such as self preservation?" -memo from 1952 Project ARTICHOKE 
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:52 pm
Saellys wrote: When your fear of the unknown is so great that you'll stick around in a situation that brings you nothing but pain, you've been warped. I've met people that were like that. It's really sad. The fear is so dominant in their lives that it prevents them from even making small, healthy changes in their life. _________________ My name is actually Sarah. Facebook. Twitter. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 1:30 pm
2:02 _________________ EisleyForever wrote: you're A-list in my heart! MAKECOLDPLAYHISTORY |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 1:57 pm
My parents have been divorced since I was 3, so I never really knew any other way. My dad is bi-polar, on top of being an alcoholic and occasional drug user, so I have always known him from a distance, but I've found it's the best way to know him. We actually have a pretty good relationship when he's sober and not on a low-swing. It probably helps that he lives clear across the country. I definitely would have loved to grow up with a so-called normal family, but hey, at least I got to grow up at all. 
I agree that when kids are involved, parents should put themselves second, but if one parent isn't complying and selfish, it's only going to lead to an unhappy, or at least less happy upbringing, and that isn't fair, either. I also think women who stay with abusive husbands are idiots. Children need to come first, always. Subjecting your child to abuse for the sake of a title or an extra income is pretty messed up, and something I personally see occur more than divorce. I'm not demeaning the seriousness of marriage, because coming from a divorced household, it's something I will take very seriously, and accordingly, not something I even plan on considering for another 7 to 10 years. I also am not trying to say divorce should be the first option or second, even. People do seem to give up pretty easily, but it is sometimes understandable. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:16 pm
sukieinthe_g wrote: I have a hard time deciding if my favorite show is Home Movies or Arrested Development. Right now, Home Movies is winning. _________________ EisleyForever wrote: you're A-list in my heart! MAKECOLDPLAYHISTORY |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:35 pm
My parents have been married for 23 years this August. They aren't perfect, but they do alright. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:41 pm
My parents split up when I was 10 or so. I didn't, and still don't, care. The situation can hardly be called typical, though, which I'm sure factors into it. They were together twenty years (ten dating, ten married) and now ten years later they're still on very good terms. I'm sure living in the same house helps that end of it, though. _________________ 
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Last edited by Mooncutter on Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:49 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:46 pm
Nightmare wrote: My parents have been married for 25 years or so and they're still happy. I've talked to my dad a lot about it because I'm recently engaged and he said that he attributes a lot of that to a conscious decision he made that he would always put his wife and family first before anything else. I think that is really the trick. A lot of people have a selfish view of marriage, and jump ship at the first sign of trouble. Obviously that's not the case every time, but it is a growing trend. I don't personally believe in "falling out of love" as a justifiable reason for divorce, especially when there are children involved. A relationship takes hard work. I know there are probably going to be times where my wife will hate me and I'll hate her but forgiveness and change and sacrifice are really the keys to a marriage. From what I've noticed. There are legitimate reasons for a divorce, but it is not a cure-all. _________________ my name's carrie and i love a good sandwich so if you have a sandwich, come roll with me! 
i'm gonna marry the mars volta. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:52 pm
hisownshot wrote: Nightmare wrote: My parents have been married for 25 years or so and they're still happy. I've talked to my dad a lot about it because I'm recently engaged and he said that he attributes a lot of that to a conscious decision he made that he would always put his wife and family first before anything else. I think that is really the trick. A lot of people have a selfish view of marriage, and jump ship at the first sign of trouble. Obviously that's not the case every time, but it is a growing trend. I don't personally believe in "falling out of love" as a justifiable reason for divorce, especially when there are children involved. A relationship takes hard work. I know there are probably going to be times where my wife will hate me and I'll hate her but forgiveness and change and sacrifice are really the keys to a marriage. From what I've noticed. There are legitimate reasons for a divorce, but it is not a cure-all. I can see where you come from and where you drew your conclusion from my post but that wasn't my point. I mean that simply falling out of love doesn't constitute a divorce (people getting just bored, etc). Your situation seems more like an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm no authority by all means but this is kind of what I'm studying in college right now. I think that those problems definitely need to be addressed, ideally through complete change and forgiveness. Sure much easier said than done. And there will always be people (I'm not saying this is your case) that refuse to change. It's hard and heartbreaking. But to the main point of my original post, it's work. Marriage is something that needs to be something that both parties work at. It sounds very dreamworld-esque I know, but the ideal marriage is when both parties work hard to fulfill the needs and wants of the other. This sacrifice and love makes it a lot easier to hold through the hard times. _________________ patrock wrote: Grandma: What are you thankful for?
Me: My fake husband. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:21 pm
DRMS_7888 wrote: sukieinthe_g wrote: I have a hard time deciding if my favorite show is Home Movies or Arrested Development. Right now, Home Movies is winning. Ok now I love you doubly because Arrested Development is another one of my all time favorite shows. _________________ My name is actually Sarah. Facebook. Twitter. |
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Post subject: Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:39 pm
Mooncutter wrote: My parents split up when I was 10 or so. I didn't, and still don't, care. The situation can hardly be called typical, though, which I'm sure factors into it. They were together twenty years (ten dating, ten married) and now ten years later they're still on very good terms. I'm sure living in the same house helps that end of it, though. They've been divorced for 10 years and they still live together? Wow, that's interesting. |
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Laughing City Forum Index -> General -> Are your parents divorced?
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